My Journey to Self Acceptance
I’ve been microdosing with Ayahuasca over the last couple of weeks in between ceremonies and decided to adjust my microdosing levels on Wednesday morning last week, which initiated some deep realisations about myself.
I had been taking 10 drops in the morning and 10 in the evening but was getting the feeling that I needed to switch it up to go a little deeper, so I switched to 20 drops once a day in the mornings.
The initial red flag for me came this morning after I checked my phone and social media and was left down, dissapointed, frustrated and bitter that I hadn’t picked up any interest for my coaching business recently.
Bitterness is a sign in my Human Design chart that I am operating from my ‘not self’, so I observed it and unraveleld the following realisations. If anyone is into Human Design here I’m a Projector.
What hit me in that moment was this.
From all this self exploration that has been a driving force in my life for the last 8 years, was that the fact that I have just not ever accepted myself fully, I’ve been on a never ending search to change.
After many challenging Ayahuasca ceremonies of which last weeks was a peak experience, I received the message that morning that essentially said :
“How many more difficult and challenging self exploration journeys are you going to go on until you final realise that no matter how far you travel and how deep you go, you will only ever find yourself.”
The person I’ve been looking for is me, and always has been, there’s no escaping myself, and there’s the realisation that I’ve been trying to change something that doesn’t need changing.
I have ultimately realised that all this work to try and change myself has been unsuccessful and in that realisation this journey has been a great success, there is nothing or ever has been anything to change.
Only to accept.
With Love 💚